#16 | Pre-race Jitters

Monday, a week out from race day.

I have proven today that stress is man made. It’s the forces that come from inside, not so much from the outside. Yes, there are uncontrollable things happening externally, but how we react to them? Man, that’s up to us, isn’t it? To me at least it is. Last Monday, the beginning of race week, I saw myself work my way up to utter fear (OK, I exaggerate a bit).

It began when I hopped in the car. As my wont, I started checking my Instagram feed. Oh someone with a handle called “runningmumsaustralia” liked one of my posts. So I checked out her wall. Oh wow. Very interesting, so I clicked on her website. Oh wow again. This mum in her 30s has an autistic child. She has done one half marathon, and is currently training for her first marathon. I followed her everywhere,  of course, social media wise (IG, WordPress and an FB Group).  I saw her trainings. 26 kms in one run. Oh my lordie, that’s more than a half marathon!

You see, even before starting my first half, I am already contemplating a full marathon. Seriously sick, I know. Dreaming is free. I figured that I have been running so much already that my training will be such a waste if I don’t continue on (I know what you are thinking~ but that training is for the half marathon!). If I decide to do the marathon next year, I will have to start training over again, from six months out! I cannot bear the thought of having to start over again. So now is the best time to go full monty. This is my secret wish. Deludedly, I also tell myself that I will decide to run a full M after my first half. I want to do a self assessment of how I feel physically and mentally. But in the core of my being, I am just looking for confirmation. You see, I have already decided. Secretly and now…openly, here in this blog.

So anyway, because I have big plans in my head, and I still have Sunday to race, I started hyperventilating. My throat was closing up. I stepped out of myself and observed all the feelings coming to the fore. Then i went ~ Stop that. Stop that right now. You are being silly. Stop those thoughts of fear and setting up such a high expectation of  your own prowess. Stop it right now.

Calming was not immediate. Fortunately, I had to attend a two day training called Business Continuity Management that took my mind away from my drama.

I was more relaxed during the 10K buildup last year. Simply because I have done City2Surf many times. There was no pressure on a 10K. But a 21K is frightening. Well, not really. Just add 7Ks to c2s’ 14K, isnt it?

Yeah right! Like I said, frightening!

To calm my nerves, I decide to write me a note. Here it is.

I made a plan, to calm myself down.